new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
