I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
