im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
