he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
