Can i not drive my cunt home
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
