its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
