Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
