can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
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Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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