I just cut my nipple shaving
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I touched a dick in church today
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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