omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
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