This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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