you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
