I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
