he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
my liver is dry heaving
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
