just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
