addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
