i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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