I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
