My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
