is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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