I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
