her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
