i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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