it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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