i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
