last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
