This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
