just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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