from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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