I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
