I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
