nutella sex= disaster
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
