Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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