I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
