youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
