Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
