i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
