oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
