Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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