Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
