fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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