now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
