Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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