having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
