Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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