i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
