you would pick up someone in the library
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
