He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
