I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
