Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
