i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
