nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
