You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
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He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
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It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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