woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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