I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
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Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
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The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season