No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
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He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
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I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea