Texts From Last Night

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  (912): View more from Georgia

  I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers

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  (912): I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers http://tfl.nu/7qil
  Replies (16) Good night (4750) Bad night (846)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.

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  (504): insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us. http://tfl.nu/mwl1
  Replies (20) Good night (4817) Bad night (1026)
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  (925): View more from California

  just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)

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  (925): just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :) http://tfl.nu/2ogg
  Replies (38) Good night (2046) Bad night (7103)
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  (310): View more from California

  I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.

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  (310): I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet. http://tfl.nu/z51s
  Replies (15) Good night (7923) Bad night (997)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role

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  (219): Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role http://tfl.nu/5zob
  Replies (14) Good night (1030) Bad night (4134)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...

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  (804): Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared... http://tfl.nu/czen
  Replies (3) Good night (3572) Bad night (1004)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower

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  (270): The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower http://tfl.nu/ihik
  Replies (17) Good night (7249) Bad night (1128)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.

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  (224): Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it. http://tfl.nu/voj2
  Replies (6) Good night (2281) Bad night (1024)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.

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  (512): I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings. http://tfl.nu/0ge6
  Replies (10) Good night (2635) Bad night (1852)
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  (88): View more from

  Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!

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  (88): Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE! http://tfl.nu/c8a6
  Replies (3) Good night (814) Bad night (520)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?

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  (519): Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night? http://tfl.nu/5y2j
  Replies (3) Good night (1066) Bad night (567)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!

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  (517): No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf (615): Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?! http://tfl.nu/9d33
  Replies (10) Good night (824) Bad night (1982)
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  (631): View more from New York

  I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.

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  (631): I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning. http://tfl.nu/7540
  Replies (4) Good night (1168) Bad night (497)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown

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  (+44): We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown http://tfl.nu/o3v8
  Replies (10) Good night (2222) Bad night (522)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke

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  (832): My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke http://tfl.nu/shwp
  Replies (2) Good night (375) Bad night (176)

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