So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
