Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?

(540): View more from Virginia

you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.

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(360): View more from Washington

I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.

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25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Read it at the TFLN blog
(612): View more from Minnesota

I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.

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(262): View more from Wisconsin

At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun

(262): View more from Wisconsin

Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating

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(360): View more from Washington

I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks

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(415): View more from California

One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter

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