So drunk its hurt
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
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better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
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It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men