I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
