I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
