Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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