is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
