What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
