Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
