I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
