Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
