Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
