i just had sex bonerless
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
