But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
40s are totally the cure
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
