It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
