is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
