yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
