he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
