toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
