Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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